Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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