Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He? As in you personified your dick?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
