i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
