first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
