I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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