I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
