tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
