i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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