Ambien. No doubt about it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
