someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
