just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
