is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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