Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
