oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
