everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
