everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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