Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
