Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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