I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have feelings that need drinking.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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