I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
