my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
