im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
