I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The feeling are messing with the penis
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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