chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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