walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
