i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
