the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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