MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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