At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize