So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
