considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
