This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
