I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
