Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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