I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize