sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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