dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
