Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
