please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
