I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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