I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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