dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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