did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
