why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
