If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This baby is an asshole
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize