dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
