Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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