apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
