I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
