The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
