just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize