This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
