with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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