I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
