the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
