I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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