so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
