tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
