Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Someone shit on the floor
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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