Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize