So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
