Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
