I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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