Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
