i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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