The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
